My Mommy's Pretty 'Lil Flower

Whelp, here I am, all sprouted up and everything. My mommy keeps calling me her "Pretty little flower" but what in tarnation is a flower? I guess I must be one since I'm growing, I'm pretty and I'm fertilized all the time.

I just don't know where the time goes. I'm not sleeping the days away anymore and in fact I make sure to stay awake as much as possible when Mommy or Daddy have me for the day. I've decided they are are just too much fun and I don't want to miss anything. My newest game that I've discovered is throwing my pacifier out of my crib onto the floor, or pretty much throwing that thing anywhere I can to watch my mommy and daddy scurry to pick it up off the floor. My daddy always makes sure to find the nearest faucet and rinses it off thoroughly and wipes it so nice and shiny. (I think it makes it easier to throw farther next time.) My mommy however after picking it up (for the 20th time in a row) looks around and then blows on it, tells me not to tell Daddy and plops it back in my mouth. She's always saying something about the "5 second rule"...that must be why she scurries to pick it up so fast.

Lets see.......besides that, the other newest thing I'm up to is making ice cream. The other day, mommy was changing my diaper and making those gagging noises again. When I noticed she exclaimed we were out of wipes, that to me was the perfect indicator to poop. So, I held my breath, grunted really hard a couple times (man that is really hard work you know) and mommy had to catch it with her bare hands. She said I was like a little ice cream dispenser, so I guess I made ice cream.

Just wanted to drop by to say "Blllllpttttttttt" and I'll be back after I get this sitting up thing mastered. I mean really, how many times do I need to be propped up in the corner of the couch to get my picture taken. I would think that my hint of falling over after 2 seconds would put an end to that game (Here's me getting my picture taken in the corner of the couch...seriously, enough pictures already!)

Stay tuned Fi Fan club...I'll be back BBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPTTTTTTTTTT

Been Busy These Days

Hi Everybody!

Missed everyone! I've been so busy (as you can see) and have so much to tell everyone! First, how do I look in my sportin new shades? My mommy says that if you wear shades you look pretty cool, and my dad says if you wear shades (what? My dad's sunglasses are always broken! He always says Mommy did it, but his head is as big as my exersaucer...)

If you tune back in, you can find out about my big day at the zoo, what I know about Baby Einstein and what funny things my mommy and daddy have been up to. They think that I'm not paying attention to what they are doing, but I keep track. I'm not going to be one of those kids that's embarrassed later in life by dumb photos of me in flame retarded outfits, like my Uncle Pat was when he realized his school picture were in the same sweat suit three years in a row. Psst.....I'll share that photo later on if I dont get a good Christmas present this year.

Well, I have to go because it's time for another outfit change. I dont know why it's such a big deal that I drooled all over this new pink outfit...I've seen Mommy drool plenty of times after she's been up with me all night. I thought everyone drools, just like "Everyone Poops" (which is a great book by the way, and apparently, no one poops like Daddy! (ask him about a Seafood Buffet sometime)

That's all for now, and I've got to go sport these shades!

BBBBBllllllllllllllppppppppplitttttttt! (Which means "Stay cool" in baby language)

I have learned the the phrase "Dont tell Daddy" will be somewhat of a staple in my converstions from now on............................

"Let Me Tell You Something....."

"UMMMMMMMMMph!!!!!!" and "Bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb" ......See this nice white blanket and cream colored pillow? My mommy thinks I'm smiling and posing for yet another stupid picture, but lift me up and you'll find a nice brown spot. Man, pooping is so much work, but I sure do feel better when I get that last grunt out. I really don't see what the big deal is, but after I complete this little pooping routine, my mommy and daddy run very fast and before I know it, my daddy is holding me up in the air making some sort of sound...like I do after I spit up, and my mommy is trying to remove my pretty pink outfit telling me I wont be able to wear this one anymore, and something or other about "disposable clothing". My mommy and daddy are so funny. I am really able to recognize my mommy lately because she wears the same shirt so many days in a row and her hair kinda looks like mine. My daddy always wears the same clothes and smells pretty much like I do, so he's pretty cool.

Whelp, I just thought I'd drop a little note to say Hello to everyone, but I have to go before my Grandma realizes I left a little deposit on her nice blanket and pillow.

Until the next time, "Pllurrrrrrrrrbbbbbbbbppttt"

Sleep?

Sorry I have not been back to chat as of late. It seems as though the "lack of sleep" has caught up with me and I use all the energy I have to comb my hair and get dressed in the morning. I'm writing to you today to introduce you to a couple I know very well, my husband and myself. Meet Mr and Mrs. Troy Kalla. This couple used to enjoy going out on a weekly "date" night that consisted of hot wings, the newest Microbrew and gathering with many friends. They used to talk about how "tired" they were from work, staying out too late, enjoying one too many cocktails and then there was the late night movies they stayed up and enjoyed.

This couple waded through 10 years of joyful marital "bliss" before little "Fiona" joined the family. Mr and Mrs Kalla had no idea what they were in for and were naive about the whole "raising" a child process. Before little Fi was born, they talked of how they would not be one of those parents to "work" around a baby's schedule and would just take the baby with them everywhere and anywhere they went. They talked about how it was going to be so wonderful to keep "doing what they've always done" but now with a baby. I have one word for this couple.

"Dumbasses"

Now, if you take a close look again and look close enough, you'll see the years of hairspray and even catch the glimmer of bobby pins in the woman's hair, and if you look at him, you'll see that his head is still as big, and will still not fit into a party hat, but rather instead, a large packing box. Yes, you are looking at how the effects of years of no sleep, constant nagging and never ever again having enough money to buy a pack of gum can age a person. This picture actually captures a happy day in the couples life where they found enough time to stay awake long enough to have this picture taken. The only hope we have is that they don't strangle each other with the hanging streamers in the background.

Cheers to those of you who find time to nap during the day or who can get a full nights sleep. This Bud's for you.

My Daddy's "Speical Day"

First, I wanted to say "blksdhdfoiugljshh" translated from my language to mean "Happy Birthday Daddy!!" My Mommy and Daddy dont know it, but I got a hold of the camera and took this self portrait. I think I did a pretty good job considering I chewed on the camera between takes and had to fill my pants a couple of times. I never thought I'd get this picture taken with so many interruptions. Then there were the constant "surprise" interruptions where Mommy and/or Daddy would run in my room and make the oddest faces, babbling in some language I didn't understand, but nevertheless, I just threw them a smile to make them happy so that they would leave me alone for a few more minutes. They both are pretty easy to please and I find them very entertaining. Just for the fun of it, I have pooped on my mommy a few times, which as a result kept me pretty entertained for a while. One day I even watched her itch her cheek and she had unknowingly wiped poop all over her cheek. I smiled and laughed at her all day. She just thought I was cute, but I was really laughing at how oblivious she was to the situation.

Then there is my daddy. I try to tell him that things don't match that he puts on me and then there are the times that he looks so proud and dresses me in my P.J's for the day, thinking it's a cute "day time" outfit. I just smile at him so he doesn't feel bad. Poor guy, Mommy has to dress him too. My days with Daddy are pretty fun because he takes me to see Gramma and Grampa. I try not to spit up or poop on him, otherwise I miss out on catching up on the newest dish on the "Bold and the Beautiful" while daddy and Grampa are out on lunch. Besides, Gramma gives me a ton more kisses and makes sure that my ears are all straighted out. Thanks to Mommy and Daddy, I'll be able to use my ears as a permanent coat hanger someday.

Well, that's what I'm up to. I only have a limited amount of time since I have to get back to screaming and crying so someone comes in here and holds me. Laying on your back all day is a tough job. And besides, I feel the urge to poop.

Bye Bye (and apparently there is a waving gesture I have to learn with this word. I don't think it's the finger gesture mommy uses with daddy, but rather a full hand gesture where you swing your whole hand back and forth......)

The New Baby-sitter

I've heard you cant teach an old dog new tricks......(even though Lexi will never be "old")


Wouldn't it be great if you never had to deal with "people" and your day was filled with animals and children? This is a photo of "tummy time" where little Fi loves to lay out on a blanket, roll around and to look at all the fascinating and "non" child proof items we have in our house. When I lay Fi out on her blanket, her puppy (Lexi) lays down and slowly crawls over to her. I just watch and wonder what each thinks of the other one. I cant wait until Fi gets a little older and then things should get interesting. (I also hope that Fi loves animals as much as her mommy! Fi already has a list of animals that she has asked her daddy for....she wants a pony, some baby chicks, a rag doll kitten and a pet pig.... Daddy doesn't yet realize it, but mommy has it all planned out that when mommy really wants something, all she has to do is have Fi ask Daddy for it, because he wont be able to say "No" to his little girl (the pet pig is really for me)

My next task is to figure out how to run with both a dog and a jogging stroller. Anyone out there have any advice on how to do this? All of my previous runs (Pre-baby) were with Lexi. All I have to do is get out my running shoes, and she's by the door and ready. Now, I have to sneak out of the house and dress in my business attire and hide my running clothes............ I think that first it would be of great importance if I wasn't "accident prone" or such a Klutz. (I've been known to trip over absolutely nothing...and remember it has been the mommy who has worn poop as an accessory many times, and daddy NEVER has) I really think we would be fine out on a run if we didn't encounter another squirrel, rabbit or any other furry animal. And, if this does happen which do I let go of? The dog leash? The stroller emergency strap? And do I have to start to put emergency information inside my underwear??

I'll keep you posted as to what happens when I finally decide to run with both the dog and the baby. Until then, I'll be labeling my underwear with contact information "In case of emergency"

Day with Mommy

Yesterday was such a beautiful day (and today is even more so, but that's because I'm at work of course!) and little Fi and I hit the Wobegon Trail and listened to the crickets chirp, birds sing and awed at the barns, swaying grasslands and it was just us and nature. Fi was awake for the whole 5 miles that we ran (or moreso I ran and if I stopped to walk, Fi would let out a "Awwkk!" which translates to "Get your post-baby butt in gear mom and keep running!") If anything, this child will bring me back down to my own birth weight of 6.3 pounds. Amazing how little children have the knack to know right when you are finally sitting down to eat for the day. This is the time that they choose to scream, spit up, scream some more, and scream until the big crocodile tears flow uncontrollably. Your meal becomes cold, and by the time you can sit down and eat, the thoughts "Screw-it" scroll across your brain because you now realize it's too late to eat a large meal and you're too tired to get the fork from the plate into your mouth. I also never knew I would experience such excitement of being in bed before 10:00 on any given evening!

Yes, yesterday was a beautiful day, mommy and baby had a fun run, went out for coffee after the run and I was so happy that baby Fi was so happy all day long. As we sat in the coffee shop, little Fi talked and cooed and laughed at mommy at great length. I kept thinking "Oh what a big girl you are getting to be!" It wasn't until we got home and I looked at myself in the mirror that I realized that little Fi must have quite the sense of humor and what she was really doing was laughing at mommy and trying to give me a "heads up". I remember scurrying, trying to get out of the house (and all of us parents know how this goes...where's the diaper bag, do I actually have diapers and wipes in the bag, where's the pacifier??? among other questions of what not to forget when leaving the house) It was after Fi was all buckled in and I had the car packed that I heard a loud rumbling firing shot, followed by a big baby smile. So, after unbuckling the child, I encountered the biggest, messiest diaper (this is when she is her "father's" child) I have ever witnessed from this child. First, how can all this come from such a small butt?? Anyway, I apparently didn't look at myself in any sort of mirror when I left the house (and what new parent does??) but I must have had an itch and scratched it during the whole "poop ordeal". Yes, I ran with poop on my face, I ordered a Latte from the nice gal (and now I know why she was looking at me funny) and smiled and played the proud parent when numerous people came to look at Fi and me, with poop on my face...........

Moral of the story yesterday was "Poop happens" or in other words, "And that's the way the Bottle Squirts".

And, now when you look at the picture, you know what Fi was laughing at all afternoon. Mommy.

It's TGIF! And, the Baby Bjorn is still a Miracle!

TGIF!!!!!!!!

Usually, TGIF had the meaning that it was the end of the work week and that "Happy Hour" would never come soon enough. My "Happy Hour" now consists of feeding the baby, wondering if supper is in the horizon, or will it be Doritos again at 10:00p.m., followed by a shot of wine to ensure fast sleep.........

Well folks, the "Miracle Baby Bjorn" did it's magic again last night. Upon the arrival of the 6:00 p.m. scream fest, I placed baby into the Bjorn and all crying ceased followed by a soft "Ahhh". Mommy and baby walked and danced around again until the magical time of 9:30 p.m and at 9:35, baby was in crib, fast asleep.

How many of you find that as soon as the baby goes down, one feels like they have just taken a hit of speed? My mind races as I think, "Oh...I want to watch that movie I've been dying to see", "Oh...I really want to sit and enjoy more than a sip of wine this evening" or "Do I finally get to eat?"...after all these tempting thoughts run through my mind it is the same prevailing thought that wins, of "I know I'm going to have to get up in about 2 hours, so if I watch a movie, I'll have to stay up, if I have some wine, I'll never get up and it's too late to eat and then I'll have dirty dishes I'll never get to wash" so I find myself going to bed to collapse for the night, only to do it all over again before I know it.

All of this becomes worth the dancing, the singing and continually walking around the house in circles looking like a complete idiot because every morning when I go into get that little baby out of her crib, she lights up with the biggest smile, coos and throws her arms out in the air toward me. (Or is that gas? LOL)

Enjoy your Friday and for those of you who can make that 5:00 Happy hour, raise your glass in the air and toast all of us parents who are home dancing around in a Baby Bjorn~

"The Miracle of the BABY BJORN"

The Baby BJORN!! I don't know if any of you realize this but in the beginning stages of parenthood, parents will run across devices and objects that we will term "miracle objects". Why this term you ask? Because this new found object does 2 things:

1. It stops the baby from crying and soothes the baby and
2. It stops the parent from crying.

My husband and I have a very active and independent child. She does not like to be held and will only be held to be fed, and at the moment the bottle or other "milk" device is emptied out, she cries. I was told of such things as the "wrap" and the "Baby Bjorn" that make it possible for the mother or father to multi-task because the baby is strapped on. I always brushed such an idea off of trying such a thing, knowing that our little independent girl would not like to be confined to such an object. (This is when I thought I knew everything, and now realize that I know NOTHING)

Recently our little wonderful bundle of joy started daycare and due to the new schedule she has chosen to sleep at daycare and cry and scream until she exhausts herself when she is home with mommy and daddy for the last 2 weeks. It was just yesterday that I discovered the "Miracle of the Baby Bjorn".

I was told by a fellow mother of an independent child that this device saved her life and maybe it could save mine. (Do you think that the bloodshot eyes and uncombed hair gave her the clue that I was not getting any sleep?) I got a hold of the Baby Bjorn from a garage sale (and later discovered that I would have paid $1,000.00 for the thing) and upon arriving home I ripped open that box like a kid at Christmas time. After I noted that my child was entertained as I tried to figure out how to wear this contraption, it was shortly thereafter that she started her routine of screaming and crying. My husband placed her into the Bjorn and she let out a little sigh and was quiet! My eyes widened with excitement and I felt like I wanted to run to the hills like Julie Andrews in the Sound of Music and scream to everyone of my wonderful find!

As with anything, there is a catch. I cant stop moving or the child will let out a little "Ahhh!". So, for 3 hours last night I walked and walked and danced and swayed and not one peep was made. I now will save money on Tylenol (extra strength) and hopefully will lose 20 pounds from moving non-stop.

So, to chronicle my night with this new miracle baby device went something like this:

6:00 put baby in new Baby Bjorn contraption.

7:00 took baby out to put P.J's on, change diaper and had 2 min story time (Sometimes we make up our own stories of how "Once upon a time there was a mommy and a daddy and that they all lived in the land of "NeverSleep" and no one lived happily ever after until the baby grew up, slept through the night and became a Nero Surgeon and bought the Mommy and Daddy an Italian Villa to retire to. Then the Mommy and the Daddy lived happily ever after. The End."

7:30 went to feed baby and baby started screaming.

7:31 placed baby back into the Miracle Bjorn and baby ceased crying. Mommy popped the bottle into the baby's mouth and fed baby in the Miracle Bjorn.

8:30 2.5 hours of continually walking, dancing and swaying around, the tired mommy tried to place the baby in the crib.

8:31 baby started screaming

8:32 placed baby back in Miracle Bjorn

9:22 baby was sleeping in said Miracle device

9:23 Daddy took sleeping baby out of device and put sleeping baby in crib

3:00 a.m. baby woke up to eat (Did you happen to note the time!!!!!!!!! This is where the device gets it's name of "Miracle" baby Bjorn.)

So, today is a better day. My fifth cup of coffee tastes a little better, the birds are chirping a little louder, the sun seems brighter and the world is a happy place.

(I may have shot myself in the foot bragging about this device, but stay tuned until tomorrow to see if it works, or I have thrown it out the window.)

My first Blog Post

"Hello" or if you are a new parent "Goodnite!"~

As this is my first official blog post, I want to say "Welcome to the land of Parenthood" where there are no rules except these three:

1. Is the diaper clean

2. Is the baby fed and

3. Where's the wine bottle?

To tell you a little bit about myself and why I decided to blog it's easy! It's for entertainment value only. I laugh as I say this, because even if things are not funny during parenthood, one must laugh, or one will lose their minds. Now since you now realize how hard parenting is, and before you go any further, everyone put down their mouse, stop typing and call your parents to thank them, for now we know how hard parenting actually is!! How did our parents do it? I know my parents locked us outside to get us out of their hair on a nice summer day(s) and we never EVER dared say "I'm bored" or our parents would find something for us to do (that we would not have chosen to do ourselves). Oh, and Isince I am wandering down memory lane, my memory serves me with the answer of how parents did do it back then. They installed fear in us. It's a little thing called the "SPANKING". Everyone I know growing up got one and most powerful words uttered by a mother were "Wait until your father gets home." I also remember (and a tip of advice for you kids) that when Daddy did get home, never say "That didn't hurt!" during a spanking, because most likely the next one will be one you WILL remember because it hurt that bad.

All kidding aside, I hope you are enjoying parenting as much as myself and I also hope that these stories and daily events make you smile and laugh!


P.S. A requirement in reading this blog is to complete the following tasks before sitting down to read:

1. Ask your husband/wife to watch the baby for a "minute" (which you know is a big fat lie and you really mean "I won't be back until the child can sleep through the night" and/or "are old enough to watch themselves.")

2. Find the largest wine glass you own (yes, you know you don't even have to think about where this glass is...you KNOW where the wine and the glasses are and have to make sure they are accessible with one hand, since baby is in the other)

3. Sit down and enjoy that first sip of wine (for it is the best, and it is usually the most you can enjoy since the baby will detect you are relaxing and will cry)

4. Laugh.